Think Big

You Are What You Learn

2011-11-07T22:59:00.004-05:00

"You are what you learn. If all you know is how to be a gang member, that's what you'll be, at least until you learn something else. If you go to law school, you'll see the world as a competition. If you study engineering, you'll start to see the world as a complicated machine that needs tweaking. A person changes at a fundamental level as he or she merges with a particular field of knowledge. If you don’t like who you are, you have the option of learning until you become someone else. There's almost nothing you can't learn your way out of. Life is like a jail with an unlocked, heavy door. You're free the minute you realize the door will open if you simply lean into it."
- Scott Adams in Dilbert.com

Learning something new is often a challenging ordeal filled with ups and downs. It's a scary place at first as we try to find comfort in our training wheels. It's exciting when we figure out we have the hang of it, and then feel proud once we master our chosen field. But what truly happens as we learn is the unlearning, the letting go of the past in order to grasp the future. In the unconscious space between the handle bars is where we truly develop and become someone new. I have learned my way out of irresponsibility, negative habits, and just about everything I have ever read in Cosmo as a teenage girl. Leaning in, as Scott Adams describes, to new information always exposes the old information to judgments. We are constantly evolving and reinventing ourselves by what we choose to learn, and as a result unlearn.

Henry David Thoreau once said that it is only when we forget all our learning that we begin to grow. I hope we all learn, unlearn, and in that process get to truly know ourselves.

Book Review: “ The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ”

2011-09-14T21:16:00.000-04:00

Book Review:

“The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”

by Steven Covey

By Guest Blogger - Marc Smith

I am not going to give you the schbeel you are used to hearing about how a book changed my life from being a miserable soul to a thriving billionaire. Did I ever think I would read this book? No. Does the title and language sound corny? Immensely. Does it seem like it is for suckers and losers; those pathetic people who can’t get their life together and need to resort to self help books in some pitiful attempt to fix things? Yes. Is it these things? Absolutely not. This book is not a quick fix technique to make all your problems go away. If used correctly, it can be an aid to help you replace old patterns of self-defeating behavior with new patterns and habits of accomplishment, happiness, and trust based relationships.

To change something in your life, you need 3 things: What, Want,and How. You need to know that there is something wrong and acknowledge thatthere is a trouble in your life – this is the What. Next, you need to Want tochange the problem and not be complacent. Last, you need to know what actionsand skills to employ that will effectively solve the problem – this is the How.To really reap all of the benefits of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, I believe you must already have the What and the Want, and this book will give you theHOW.

What you will need for this book to be of any value to you:

· An open mind (to suppressthe cynic in you)

· Humility (to admit you arenot above opening yourself up)

· Patience

· Persistence

· The ability to step out ofyour comfort zone

· A willingness to try new andunfamiliar things

· The ability to be honestwith yourself and make yourself vulnerable

What you can expect to get from it:

· A clearer understanding ofyour deepest values and unique skills

· A sense ofinner-directedness

· Self confidence

· Full control over your life

· Less anxiety and confusion

· The ability to connect moredeeply and effectively with the people in your life

· The ability to defineyourself from within rather than by other people’s opinions or comparingyourself with others

The most important thing to know about this book is that itwill not give you short term, superficial, attitude/psych up techniques tosolve predicaments you are facing. It is not a “get rich quick” scheme. It stresses focusing on yourCHARACTER, not your PERSONALITY. Essentially, this means that using temporary,shallow, phony strategies to get what you want that may get you byin the short term have no permanent value for the long term, both for yourselfand in relationships. Eventually, if there isn’t deep integrity and fundamentalcharacter strength, the challenges of life will cause true motives to surfaceand relationships will fail.

It doesn’t tell you specific things to do; rather it givesyou a framework for how to think about the type of person you actually want tobe and the types of relationships you genuinely desire and how to get there. Tosolve any problem, you need to focus on yourself, your character, your motives,and how you have been conditioned to think about and look at things. This book says that the way we see our problems is the problem. As Albert Einsteinsaid “the significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level ofthinking we were at when we created them”.

I would not try to force anyone to read this book because it is impossible to convince someone else to change that doesn’t believe they have anything to fix. If you want to make yourlife better, you are willing and ready to make an effort to live the life thatyou truly want, and you have the What and Want for change, I challenge you toopen yourself up and try the How presented in this book. It just might make allthe difference.

Growth: Making a Diamond out of Coal

2011-08-17T15:18:00.000-04:00

I am certainly not in a good mood all the time. I'm not positive in every situation. It's a pure struggle some days to come up with one positive phrase. I find myself rolling my eyes at inspirational quotes, and even at my own positive spin on situations. Yes, I roll my eyes at myself. This news might put me in the loony bin, guilty as charged. I only admit this because I feel that if your going to start anywhere the truth is the best place. I want my writing to be my truth.

I often ask the universe for help. I ask for growth. What I forget is that all the enlightened attributes and situations I ask for mean change. These situations call for me to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is among the words I would use to describe times of growth, but gut wrenching agony and deep anxiety feel more like the ticket. Agony? Anxiety? Yes! Sign me up for some growth! Growth is a painful lesson not yet learned, deep issues that float to the surface, and the feeling of being undoubtedly challenged (I understand there is peaceful growth as well). The universe is unapologetic in support of your growth.

A lot of people are into growth. In fact growth is cool. We want to grow our careers, our businesses, our relationships. We want them to thrive, to keep reaching new heights. What culture leaves out is that growth equals change. It is surprising how conditional we are to behavioral changes as adults. We can acquire new knowledge, we can grow older with age, we can even try new experiences. We have no problem acquiring, we have a problem letting go. We have problems letting go of beliefs, letting go of behaviors, letting go of relationships, ultimately letting go of the past. We feel as though If we let this go we have less. We cling so hard that the universe eventually understands it must bombard us for our own good. We must feel pain to understand the need to let go. This works constructively as well. We must feel the struggle to understand what we have, to stick to our dreams, to keep trying, to save ourselves from our own neurosis, to save our relationships from our egos. When we know whats worth the struggle in the long run, that right there is truth. The only thing we should keep is the truth.

Of course we make mistakes. Change is much easier said than done. It is much easier understood than executed. It's nice on paper, not nice up against an arsenal of negative perceptions and fears stored inside our own minds. The hardest parts for me are the areas I feel that growth should not touch, they are too personal for fresh air, they are buried deep, and for the universe to creep up that far into my mental cavities freaks me out. So I pucker my lips, I rave and I rant, I walk around rolling my eyes at my own positivity. I am essentially freaking out. I have no answer on how to rid this negative reaction to growth. I am just hopeful the pharmaceutical industry will launch a new drug to counteract these side effects at some point in the near future.

They say characters are made or broken during hard times. If you ask me, I want to be made and broken. I want to break away from what does not serve me and be made new by what does. Growth is certainly the path less traveled gracefully, but it's a path we must all take. We will change kicking and screaming. We will change gracefully at times. We will be pressured, broken, thrown into the fire, and rubbed in every which way. But in the end we will be polished rocks.

The Power of Words; Reflections on Maya Angelou's Thoughts

2011-07-31T18:56:00.006-04:00

This video is a snippet of Maya Angelou's Master Class with Oprah Winfrey.

I believe in the power of words. Words can uplift us and words can tear us apart. I remember when I first experienced that power. As a youth I experienced the love from the words that rolled out of my mothers tongue. As an adult I experienced the pain that words like good enough, pretty enough, and thin enough evoke, not just in myself, but in countless women I encounter. Words are the internal monologue that guide our lives. The words we say to ourselves are constantly serenading our spirit, our mood, and our perspective. Repeat to yourself you are unworthy, and the words manifest themselves in your actions. The words we use to communicate with others are powerful enough to heal someones fear. Tell a person consistently she/he is intelligent and they believe.

Belief is a powerful thing. If we are to grow into the beautiful people we truly are, our words are to be used for healing the people around us. Words that carry love with them allow people to bloom. Words of encouragement and support are much more effective for your own healing than those based on negative and deconstructive ideas. I recently explained to my friend over lunch that we are cruel to ourselves. We are critical and we pick ourselves apart. We wouldn't allow another person to speak to us the way we speak to ourselves. Words are powerful enough that they can seep into our subconscious, as water into soil.

Let the words you use heal. Lets use our words to improve the world. Lets use our words to build beautiful relationships. Give way to the power of words that carry love instead of fear. Let us spread good news and allow others to spread their good news freely. Don't stand idly aside listening to negative ideas, stop them. The world is not in its current state because of bad people, but because of people that allow negative ideas and actions to bloom.

"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew, upon a thought, produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think. " —Lord Byron

Feeling Right: The Life That's Right For You

2011-07-05T15:53:00.000-04:00

"Feeling right is about living the life that's right for you."

-Gretchen Rubin

I never understood where I was going until I found myself deep into where I knew I did not want to be. At that point I understood that this, whatever and wherever it may be, was not right for me. It was an itch deep in my chest I couldn’t scratch. I found myself rolling as tumbleweed through barren land, and that land was an aspect of my life. It is the feeling that you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, or going in a path that is unnatural.

There is no doubt in my mind that living the right life for you is the centerpiece of your emotional table. Living right is living the life of your childhood dreams, or some variation of that dream. What is right for you is not what you see around you, it is everything you have ever wanted to create and every activity that brings you joy. If you are creative why spend the majority of your week suppressing that creativity? If you love math why spend your days in a career that does not incorporate that passion? The right life is the life that has balance. It incorporates your passions, your curiosity, and your potential. Feeling right has more to do with duty, a duty to be true to you.

I have always loved art. Art is a broad word, but what is important is that I have always been interested in participating in the creation of something. For a long time before I could even pick up a book on art, or write, or paint, or even think creatively I would be discouraged by my own mind. I would hear the words of my parents “you are the smart one, get good grades, leave the painting for your siblings”. I would enforce upon myself a title “smart”. The problem with titles is that they limit, they hurt, and titles put you in a pebble. Many people have this same experience.

Feeling right for me is not giving myself a title. Feeling right for me is creating, nourishing, and supporting the positive. I concentrated on a certain subject in college for the sake of keeping that title. And although I was interested in what I studied I wasn’t passionate. If I cant incorporate passion I rather not build my life around a career out of balance with my natural self.

I have to shed every single imprint of a life that encouraged me to suppress my interest for what others valued. I phrase it as “have to” because it is a never-ending transformation. It is a metamorphosis. I want to become a butterfly, and the moth cocoon the world enforced on me cannot contain the wings I imagine for myself.

Photograph by Dorota Oleszczuk

Aristotle wrote extensively on the subject of happiness. He explained that happiness is not a great dinner, or a fun time, or even those summer trips to the shore. Happiness is fulfilling your duty to yourself, and striving towards your goal. Aristotle explained that as you live the right life for you, you automatically bloom into the best version of yourself. Your best self is happy.

The world needs the best version of you.

Respect The Happy: Nourish a Happy Person Near You

2011-06-01T02:22:00.002-04:00

I respect the happy people. I admire and praise them, and I surely will dump my chronically unhappy friend if my happy friend is in need. Harsh? No. Happiness to me is a product of living in a accordance with your own values, positive thinking, an open disposition, and the optimistic resilience that these traits create. Furthermore, I know it when I see it. It is important to note that the opposite of happiness is not depression, but unhappiness (depression is a state beyond the subject of this post, and people suffering a trauma should always be nurtured with love). There is so much to learn and enjoy from the more upbeat individual, incredibly our attention is regularly allocated to the glum.

Unhappiness can become comfortable. The gloomy seem to criticize everything and nurture close to nothing. They are never too impressed and superficially hardly hurt. They defend the constant dissatisfaction in their lives, but judge the changes made by others. There are people who support unhappiness as a sign of depth to some extent. Ultimately they prefer to see that life is cruel, specifically to them. Happiness is a feeling, and depth can be found in whichever perspective you take. Fundamentally we all know this person. If we are honest enough, we, at some point have been this person. Then we can see that happiness is a choice. A choice between being heavy and being light. Happiness is real, achievable and it is foremost a product of your actions and thoughts.

The happy are neglected. No one seems to check up on you if you are a generally upbeat individual, and hardly anyone seems to care too much about your feelings. Happy people are not praised enough. It takes courage, selflessness, discipline, and resilience to be happy. Would you like those traits to rub off on you? Spend time with a happy person, we all know attitudes are contagious.

Happier folks make it a better place for all of us. I love a warm hearted enthusiastic person. Happiness may be a feeling but, often It's medicine for others. When I'm around happy people I feel more enthused, energetic, involved, and present. It is no surprise that happy people have been proven to be more social, helpful, and more likely to donate to a cause than gloomier folks. Studies show that happier people are more involved in community affairs, they are better at work, and have better sex lives. This makes happiness a selfless act. A happier person makes for a better world, making your happiness a priority is the greatest gift you can give to everyone around you.

The Happiness Affect

Courage is something you don't notice about people with sunny dispositions. Deciding to be happy leads to change and change is scary for most of us. The ability to find satisfaction is strengthened by your openness to change. Change encourages us to question our beliefs, our values, and truly be honest with ourselves. The truth about our unhealthy actions and beliefs are hard facts to swallow. Discipline is key for happiness, because the ability to stay upbeat and positive in times of inner instability (questioning) can only be achieved through practice. Eventually the answer to some of these questions emerge. This courage and discipline enable happy people to stand by their choices, even at the threat of criticism. Happier people are not only more likely to stand their own ground, they can also help you stand on yours.

I feel we must all encourage what we want to see more of, I want to see more happy people. We are part of a collective whole, the happiness of one soon sprinkles to another. Let a positive person know you appreciate them today. Most importantly cultivate your own happiness. You will be making the world a better place, becoming a better friend, family member, coworker, and random stranger on the train. In particular, you will be making me happier.

10 Poems That Could Change Your Life

2011-04-11T01:08:00.001-04:00

Song of Myself (part17)
by Walt Whitman
These are really the thoughts of all men in all ages and lands, they are not original with me,
If they are not yours as much as mine they are nothing, or next to nothing,
If they are not the riddle and the untying of the riddle they are nothing,
If they are not just as close as they are distant they are nothing.
This is the grass that grows wherever the land is and the water is, This is the common air that bathes the globe.

I found myself in the aisles of my local bookstore engulfed in my usual undefined research project. I find bookstores to be a place of peace, a treasure chest in the middle of the deep ocean of chaos that is Manhattan. The browsing was the usual. I scavenger through the recipe books, collect personal finance and inspirational works, and I pick up a couple of gossip magazines for good measure. I claimed a seat on the carpeted floor of a cozy aisle labeled POETRY.

I love poetry's ability to transform language into something much more, something music can convey with ease, a certain calling of the soul. Poetry has always been my kind of music. During my browsing at the bookstore, I came across an interesting title, Poems To Change Your Life. I believe literature can change your life, it can certainly open that door. I started to think of all the beautiful poems that had inspired me, poems that made me feel alive, and poems that cradled me with understanding during dark times. I immediately began to recall poems that have taken hold of my emotions and translated them into beautiful strands of words. I think of those poems that explained things in the way only God could and made my heart ache with a sense of pure liberation. But besides the deeper aspects of poetry, I just love the truth wrapped in a pretty package.

I have chosen these 10 poems because I believe they hold undeniable truth. These poems could change your life, as anything in this world can, if you let them.

Wild Geese
By Mary Oliver   
You do not have to be good.  
You do not have to walk on your knees  for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body  love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain  are moving across the landscapes,

 over the prairies and the deep trees,  the mountains and the rivers.

 Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,  are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,  
the world offers itself to your imagination,  calls to you like the wild geese,
harsh and exciting-- over and over announcing your place  in the family of things.

Invictus
By William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,  Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be  For my unconquerable soul.   
In the fell clutch of circumstance  I have not winced nor cried aloud.
 Under the bludgeonings of chance  My head is bloody, but unbowed.
  Beyond this place of wrath and tears  looms but the Horror of the shade,
 And yet the menace of the years  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
  It matters not how strait the gate,  How charged with punishments the scroll.
 I am the master of my fate:  I am the captain of my soul.

Song of Myself (part 18)
by Walt Whitman
With music strong I come, with my cornets and my drums,
I play not marches for accepted victors only,
I play marches for conquer'd and slain persons.
Have you heard that it was good to gain the day?
I also say it is good to fall, battles are lost in the same spirit in which they are won.
I beat and pound for the dead,
I blow through my embouchures my loudest and gayest for them.
Vivas to those who have fail'd! And to those whose war-vessels sank in the sea!
And to those themselves who sank in the sea!
And to all generals that lost engagements, and all overcome heroes!
And the numberless unknown heroes equal to the greatest heroes known!

God Says Yes To Me
by Kaylin Haught
I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic  and
she said yes 

I asked her if it was okay to be short  and she said it sure is 

I asked her if I could wear nail polish  or not wear nail polish 

and she said honey

 she calls me that sometimes

 she said you can do just exactl   what you want to 

Thanks God I said 

And is it even okay if I don't paragraph  my letters 

Sweetcakes God said 

who knows where she picked that up

 what I'm telling you is 

Yes Yes Yes

Life's Meaning
by Fra Giovanni Giocondo
Life is so full of meaning and purpose,
so full of beauty beneath its covering,
that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven.
Courage then to claim it; that is all!
But courage you have, and the knowledge
that we are pilgrims together,
wending through unknown country home.

It Is Your Turn Now
By Rumi
It is your turn now, you waited, you were patient.
The time has come, for us to polish you.
We will transform your inner pearl into a house of fire.
You're a gold mine.
Did you know that, hidden in the dirt of the earth?
It is your turn now, to be placed in fire.
Let us cremate your impurities.

All the Hemispheres

By Hafiz
Leave the familiar for a while.
Let your senses and bodies stretch out
Like a welcomed season
Onto the meadows and shores and hills.
Open up to the Roof.
Make a new water-mark on your excitement
And love.
Like a blooming night flower,
Bestow your vital fragrance of happiness and giving
Upon our intimate assembly.
Change rooms in your mind for a day.
All the hemispheres in existence
Lie beside an equator
In your heart.
Greet Yourself
In your thousand other forms
As you mount the hidden tide and travel
Back home.
All the hemispheres in heaven
Are sitting around a fire chatting
While stitching themselves together
Into the Great Circle inside of
You.

The time Before Death
By Kabir
Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive.
Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think... and think... while you are alive.
What you call "salvation" belongs to the time before death
If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will rejoin with the ecstatic
just because the body is rotten--
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now,
you will simply end up with an apartment in the
City of Death.
if you make love with the divine now, in the next
life you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
Believe in the Great Sound!
Kabir says this: When the Guest is being searched for,
it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that
does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.

Love After Love
By Derek Walcott
The time will come when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door,
in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here.
Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Clothesline
By Marilyn Maciel
I 
you 
us 
them
those people
wouldn’t it be lovely if one could  live  in a constant state  of we?
some of the most  commonplace  words can be some of the biggest  dividers
they,
what if there was  no they ?  what if there  was only  us ?

if words could be seen as they floated out of our mouths would we feel no  shame  as they passed beyond  our lips?
if we were to string  our words  on a communal clothesline  would we feel proud  as our thoughts  flapped in the  breeze?

One Year of Thinking Bigger

2011-03-08T22:45:00.004-05:00

Photograph by Dorota Oleszczuk

One longs to say something. Facebook and twitter can testify to that.

When I started this blog one year ago, it was to figure out what exactly I longed to say. I took it upon myself to wake up out of a coma. We inhabit ourselves without valuing ourselves, in a constant rush into next week, and next year. We go to work, to go back home, we were never really there. I started this blog to wake up, to notice. Once we notice something we can never go back to not noticing. Once we have seen, we can no longer not see. I wanted to see what I was not seeing, about myself and about the world. I wanted to discover who I was, by studying what I had to say.

Hesitation came easy. To embark into a new way of expression, a public one at that, is always challenging. The public aspect, nerve wrecking. I asked myself, who would even care or read? Was my great inner and outer revolution of interest to anyone? But particularly important to note is that no great change ever receives official endorsement, this is true with individual as it is with societal change. Revolutions towards the positive, towards a peaceful life aren't easy nor are they supported by your fears. This blog has allowed me to put my fears to the test, to challenge my cool. It has shown me the patterns of my mistakes. Patterns are there, wether you choose to see them or not. That rut you always fall into. That negative attitude you carry. Those opinions you don't notice that transcend into your actions. Those are all patterns that keep us stuck in a place we rather not be, a comfortable unhappiness, a mediocre life. It is clear after a year of blogging that we can recognize our way out of patterns, to break them so that new worlds can emerge.

I started out with my happiness project. A project aimed at concentrating on a specific resolution each month, with the goal of making me a happier individual. Although I did not accomplished all my resolutions as planned, I feel a better person for having tried. (Please click the Happiness Project tags on the right to read more). My List project turned into my bucket list, and although I was less successful at documenting my adventures during 2010, this year looks promising.

Happy Birthday Think Big Blog!

I want to keep writing, I want to be the author and authority of my own life.
I have a better picture now of what I long to say. It has always gone a little like this:

My dear reader, I appreciate you if you feel no one else does. Fund your own revolution. Find the change you can make and make it. Go for it, I am with you. Tell your truth and live it too.

"To be a person is to have a story to tell." - Isak Dinesen

Love and Other Drugs: 11 Life Lessons & Thoughts

2011-02-28T01:08:00.003-05:00

One of my readers requested my thoughts on love. I was particularly hesitant to comply. My main concern was that love sounded mushy, and all that love talk would do damage to my Clint Eastwood-esque reputation. Regardless, I gave the request some thought and have decided to come out of the closet.

Love is not necessarily romantic, although I understand my thoughts on romantic love is what was requested from me. Simply put, from a young age we are told to find one person, and our love should go to them, no one else. We allocate our attention to one person neglecting the wondrous experience of loving the billions of souls that inhabit this earth. There is no quota for love, if you have one person you love adding a second wont bankrupt you emotionally. Love is a wish for the happiness, fulfillment and joy of another, keeping them in mind and supporting their growth as a human being. Love is being involved with something outside yourself. We are often so preoccupied with what is happening to us we cause our own suffering, if only we focused on the experience of something outside our minds we would see fantastic results regarding our happiness. Thats why it feels so great to be with the person you love, they take you away from your preoccupation, and you feel happily intoxicated by the world.

Needless to say my definition and understanding of love is not the universal perception of people around the world. Relationships seem at times to be a repeated disappointment. Love has appeared in many ways an illusion. We long for it, only to gain it for a time and lose it again. But nothing is ever lost, no experience is a loss. We learn lessons from our disappointment. We find ourselves from the pieces that are left of us.

Below are some lessons regarding relationships I have learned from falling deeply in love, denial, hysteria, delusion, and particularly from picking up the real pieces of myself once I felt broken beyond repair. I hope women read the list below. I hope we all realize we allow the people that are in our lives into them, and we can tell them to scram as well. Most importantly we have the ability to welcome love into our lives, not particularly from a partner but, through everything we do.

1. Respect is something fundamental.

- It is not a perk. It is not negotiable. More importantly respect is not something you get from others, it is something you give yourself. Webster's definition: to show regard or consideration for.

2. Love is not a means to an end.

- Love is a means in itself, a disposition, a life force. If you are with someone for the potential outcome of a wedding, for the esteem of walking next to someone, or for the comfort of having someone to come home to, you are in it for the wrong reason. Sooner or later the emptiness will catch up with you. No wedding, no ring, no braging rights.

3. Never settle for the first person that comes your way.

-Be with someone because they are special in your eyes, not because they were the first to pay attention. It is so easy to fall into this. Haven't we all? When we aren't ready to be in a relationship and then fall to the pressure of being in one, we waste time and we hurt feelings. Spend time with yourself first, figure out if a relationship is for you.

4. Dont confuse drama with passionate love.

-If I had to choose one worldly possesion it would be peace. Sometimes we fall into the dramatics, because of excitement and adrenaline. I also blame it on watching way too much t.v growing up. But no one should ever hurt you so many times that you start believing life is constant pain with sprinkled hopes of feeling loved in between.

5. Guilt is not a reason for doing anything.

- Guilt is what the common relationship politician uses to control your actions. Guilt is also what we use to justify staying in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person. Become aware of it, it breeds resentment, anger, and nothing nice.

6. Say your sorry when need be.

- Don't choose pride over understanding, unless ignorance is your thing.

"Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal."- Nietchze

7. If you have to keep up an image for someone they are not loving you.

- Be yourself, hide nothing and fake nothing. The right person will understand. The wrong person will not be around for too long/ will try to change you/ is a douche. Particularly there is no need to go out of your way regarding your looks. The right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass.

8. Give it a chance.

- Due to watching way too many disney movies and a culturally influenced superstition concerning fate, I had though for a long time that I was supposed to meet a certain type of guy. "Types" are nothing but a limitation implanted in our heads by a society that taught us we must love in certain criteria and anyone outside of that is not worthy of our love. Give it a chance, don't turn it away at first glance.

9. You can change no one. REPEAT. You can change no one.

- There is no way to change anyones behavior who internally feels there is no problem with the behavior fundamentally. Change is internal, not external. Changes take time, and those that happen overnight tend to be superficial and later are dropped for more familiar behaviors.

10. Understand What You Value.

- A relationship works when you know what you want, and what you don't. I want truth so I value truth. I want knowledge so I value knowledge. My values are non-negotiable and in the person I love I want to see those values (as well as in myself). To know yourself is to understand your values, and to understand what you value you must spend time with yourself. (You are the only person who must live with the emotional pain of decisions not consistent with your values, befriend yourself). Values can of course change, and I hope your's ever evolve into greater more positive aspirations.

11. Pain is pain. No person can take it away but you.

- Don't fall into the myth of prince charming saving you. No one can bring you peace but yourself. I find its the best when in pain to look at all that hurts you, feel that pain as deeply as possible, let it pass over you, cry your eyes out, understand where it is coming from and realize its temporary. Dissect it all you want but understand, this too shall pass. It will pass because you are stronger than anyone ever told you, because you have the choice to follow the love inside you, not because someone else came along and took it away.

This is all I have for now. I am still learning. I am still loving. Please add to this list & pass it along.

Pulling Weeds & Planting Flowers: How to Rid Negative Thoughts and Nourish the Positive

2011-01-24T00:01:00.001-05:00

A brain is a terrible thing to waste. A mind is a terrible thing to leave unattended. Left to its own devices my mind can become the nesting ground for negativity, and regularly time is spent having arguments with people who aren't there. Negative thoughts are sticky, they breed like bunnies in my mind. This month has been challenging. Mentally I feel like the guys from the movie "300", fighting off my neurosis instead of Persians. A harder and longer battle has not been fought in all of human existence, the fight against the angry voices of our minds. I cant help myself, it seems as if somehow I became and excellent salesman. I sell myself thoughts about awful past decisions, I replay sad events, I judge people, I sink into self-pity, I meticulously pick away at myself, and dear lord lets not even jump into the self comparisons (a deeper shitfest I could not imagine). Misery loves company, and a more seductive song than that of an angry and negative perception I have not heard.

Regularly a negative thought has not been a problem for me. Since the age of 15 I have been cultivating mindfulness, a skillful use of attention to what I am thinking about (or my inner state). My practice is not without its massive flaws, but I hold to the fact that most people pay zero attention to what is going on inside and attend to what is happening outside of themselves (the cause of suffering). My negative thoughts continued so I shut down for a few days, in total defeat mode. I laid down. I felt awful. I thought deep thoughts. I decided to face every single issue. It hurt deeply. And then I decided to pull weeds and plant flowers in the garden of my mind.

I suppose in order to understand why we have negative thoughts that stalk us, its important to understand our biological machinery. In the sphere of our mind, the brain is the machinery. It has been proven by psychologist and regular people alike that our brains have a negativity bias (google it). Our minds pay more attention and give more weight to negative experiences. From an evolutionary perspective our brains do this because back when we were cave dudes and dudettes, we needed to pay attention to the negative in order to survive. It was a decision between running away or being mauled by a tiger. So we developed neurotransmitters that relate to rewards in the past (Dopamine). Therefore you and I are more likely to not play with fire again since we got burned the last time we tried, or less likely to ask a pretty girl on a date because you had a bad experience as a teenager. The survival value of this was carried on through our DNA. It is easy to see how our hardwiring is no longer very useful. I live in Manhattan and the only tiger near here is in the Bronx Zoo. So now instead of going apeshit over a tiger potentially eating me, I go ape shit about standing in line for too long at Walgreens, or having an argument with a family member seems like a life or death stress.

Negative thoughts persist essentially because we let them grow, like weeds. Weeds are natural, they grow and will always grow because consistently there is change in the environment (weeds grow in areas that are frequently disturbed by winds and the moving of soil), but weeds often overgrow specially in gardens where they must be eliminated since they steal soil nutrients from flowers. So as life presents us with changing negative experiences we will consistently have negative thoughts. With weeds its important to pull out the root or they will keep growing back. So with our thoughts it is important to go deeper into why some negative event or thought is constantly on replay, we must dig out all the causes right down to our roots (our childhood or our past) and pull it out.

The negative thoughts in our minds are taking up mental space that could more effectively and beautifully be filled with positive thoughts. This is the actual way to get rid of negative thoughts, by pulling those negative thoughts out by the root and planting positive thoughts instead. Whenever you have a negative thought it is beneficial to focus on a positive fact, hold on to that fact, and let it sink in. The holding on to that positive mental image enforces your brain to automatically scan for the good as well as the bad, instead of just the bad. With time this will become routine and automatic for your brain. Most of our negative thoughts are not facts but worries, worries are not real they are mental imagery, remind yourself of the pure facts and focus on what is positive.

I am still pulling weeds and planting flowers. Gardening is hard work, but graciously I do it because I will take the truth at any cost. Your happiness, your peace, your joy, your pain, your stress, and your life in general is managed by you. You and only you have the power to experience your life from a certain vantage point, therefore no one but you can show up to your mental garden. Show up and look around, please clean up while your there. I will tell you why I suffered my mental world war. On my path to becoming a better person I have faced things superficially, events and experiences that In my mental garden I just trimmed away from view. Experiences and opinions and actions that I glanced but never fully faced. Some things hurt so much we put them aside from view, we bury them in the garden, but the rain always falls to uncover our mess. I am no longer trimming weeds, I am now pulling them from the root.

For further reading on the brain and the neuroscience of happiness read the book Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson

How To Stop Eating Your Own Shit

2010-12-21T02:30:00.001-05:00

Jimmy had four pet goldfish. Everyday Jimmy would watch his goldfish swim around and around the small glass bowl they lived in. One day he noticed the water in the bowl looked kind of cloudy. Mom explained to Jimmy that this was natural and that the bowl just needed to be cleaned.

Jimmy knew how to clean the bowl. He had seen his friend do it. He filled the bathtub with cool water, and then gently lowered the bowl into the tub until the four goldfish swam out of the dirty bowl and into the bathwater. Jimmy spent the next fifteen minutes scrubbing the glass bowl until it was sparkling clean. Finally it was ready.

Jimmy knelt down by the bathtub to retrieve his goldfish, but he saw a strange sight. Even though the bathtub was over four feet long and three feet wide the four goldfish were swimming round and round in a tiny circle, right where Jimmy had originally placed them. “Mom,” yelled Jimmy, “come look at the goldfish.” “Why are the fish swimming in a tiny circle when they have the whole tub?” Jimmy asked mom. Jimmy’s mom answered, “Because they don’t know they are in a tub. They think they are still at home in their tiny glass bowl. That’s what they are used to.”

We are goldfish, more often than not. We cling to the familiar. We cling to our dirty little circles because they are comfortable. Even when life presents us with an opportunity to change we often don’t. Even when life forces us to change, throwing us into a bathtub full of clean new water, we resist and maintain our cramped little circle of sameness. We cling to a past that repeats itself. We swim in our own shit.

I came to the realization that we eat our own shit by becoming aware of the cycles/routines people go through. The cycles I go through, the constant reenactment of past events with new faces.

Example:

You make yourself a nice little pie with great ingredients, or so you think. You realize that after you eat this pie it always gives you a stomachache. But although you notice the stomach ache you blame other things, like a drink or the weather. You fail to change your ingredients and just keep eating the same shit you ate the day before, giving you the same results.

It’s pretty simple that as long as you stay within the same framework of people, places, and attitudes as before it will equal the same shit. The same annoying shit. The same disappointing shit. The same everything, in brand-new gift-wrap, will show up at the doorstep of your life.

Like Jimmy’s goldfish we can be taken out of an environment and still cling to that comfort of staying tiny. I believe what makes me tiny is an attitude I cling to from my teenage years, the attitude of “cool”. Sometimes I don’t explore because I believe I already know, because I believe there is nothing interesting in certain experiences. This attitude has done nothing but act as an excuse to stay confined in my comfort zone. The comfort zone is the little circle inside the fish tank, it is what we are used to.

We have a whole bathtub. Realize it now.

I no longer think I’m cool (although we all know I'm pretty awesome). I think I rather become someone interesting and different, and I surely don’t want to swim in my own shit.

It is time to own up to your shitty pie recipe. It is time to make some pumpkin pie instead of apple pie. You are not confined. You can change, you can try a new recipe. I am still dabbling with my own recipe, maybe we can collaborate one day.

“If growth is a road you want to travel, then change is the vehicle you have to use to get from one place to another.” – Barbara De Angelis

*Jimmy story courtesy of one of my heroes, Barbara De Angelis

Forgiveness

2010-11-22T12:27:00.001-05:00

Forgiveness

by John Greenleaf Whittier

My heart was heavy, for its trust had been

Abused, its kindness answered with foul wrong;

So, turning gloomily from my fellow-men,

One summer Sabbath day I strolled among

The green mounds of the village burial-place;

Where, pondering how all human love and hate

Find one sad level; and how, soon or late,

Wronged and wrongdoer, each with meekened face,

And cold hands folded over a still heart,

Pass the green threshold of our common grave,

Whither all footsteps tend, whence none depart,

Awed for myself, and pitying my race,

Our common sorrow, like a mighty wave,

Swept all my pride away, and trembling I forgave!

* * * * *

It was the pain. I remember it very well. It was fresh and new and it reeked of broken dreams. I remember my first betrayal and I remember each face that it came with. It came with young girls and sugar coated lies. It came with passive aggressive friends and egotistic games. The perfume of heartbreak seemed to serenade my entire existence at the time and although I knew best to take the higher road, that road felt lowly to the power of the opposite force taking over. I felt alone and I felt betrayed. I often found myself feeling more betrayed by what I valued than to what others did. Like my belief in goodness and love held no match to that other force. Beliefs did not keep my heart from feeling the blows.

Until one day I realized that the right thing will always be the right thing. And I cared more about the right than about the pain. Pain in its true form is a temporary state, acute none the less, but it passes through you like any other affliction. Pain like rain is here and then gone. It's remarkable how minds are so powerful they can take the storm with them wherever they go. Time may pass but we can still carry that pain. It gets heavy, probably as heavy as clouds must feel right before they let the rain drops sky dive. But we go through life heavy. In denial of the pain, we call it a defense.

I have often failed to forgive in its most idealistic form of execution. I have a signature move, its called forgive the event but not the person. Oh how I love to resort to this time after time. I find myself feeling proud and intoxicated by my glorious execution of forgiveness. I pat myself on the back and envision how Jesus, Gandhi and Mother Teresa are rejoicing somewhere enjoying non-alcoholic pina coladas and cheering me on. I gladly accept this imaginary situation as completely plausible and move on.

I forgive the event in the sense that I don't carry it with me. It doesn't define me. It only teaches me. I don't repeat the event, I don't relive it with others. I let go of the negativity of the event and take the goodness that followed. Of course this takes time, this takes looking at yourself with love, this takes control and it takes a big open heart. None of these things are easy. But they are actions I aspire to perfect. I hope others aspire to some form of this as well.

But forgiveness is not some detachment. This is what I have and still carry with me to this day, a detachment. I look upon those people that have wronged me and often see no human aspects. I see them void of a personality and I try my best to even forget they have feelings of any sort, my mission instead of wishing them well is forgetting they exist. I try to not face them, and I think this is in fear of the pain. What pain? Some illogical pain my neurosis has conjured up. I mean, what pain can my ex-best friend from 5th grade possibly bring me?

And so it seems that yours truly develops grudges. Not ill wishing grudges (OK fine sometimes they are ill wishing), but grudges that forget the human aspect. The fact that one should be thankful for those heartbreaks and that those heartbreaks came from people. People like you and me, people with problems, people with sad hearts and pain. Your heartaches came from people who have yet not grown to see the world as a whole, people who live only for themselves. Your sadness came from someone who did not know what to do with all his anger and placed it upon you.

Forgetting their faces means not realizing we are all headed in the same direction, a cozy little hole about six feet deep. I have recently been a total bitch with people who have tried to reconnect with me. I have been a snobby little elementary school girl all over again, in the name of keeping the memory of someones wrongs alive. In the name of forever making them relive their mistakes I have insisted on being rude, instead of open and happy for their internal growth (whatever, hopefully, that might be).

We all make mistakes and we all sometimes (even subconsciously) do things intentionally that manufactures someones pain. If I have to be the first one to admit it, I will. I have hurt people purposely. With a shitty comment and with a sarcastic joke, I have hurt people. If you must know, some things I am not brave enough to type (in anticipation to hate mail). I try to envision how I would feel if every time I saw someone I knew they just reminded me of my short comings (from " X " years ago!). I try to understand how some people don't need you to be their friends, they just need your support in forgiving themselves.

We are all terminally ill on this ride called life. You and that girl who started that rumor about you in high school will die one day. You and that guy who slept with your best friend (and your ex-best friend) will eventually meet the same ends. Its incredibly foolish to limit your kindness in this world. Everything that has happened has passed and is no longer taking place except in your mind. Let it go. I am not saying drop it all today but to aim honestly at letting it go with time. What is the point of being on this terminal track only to take with you the bad stuff. I say start collecting goodness, be kind, try your best. I will try with you.

And man I wont even get into the subject of forgiving yourself because that's a whole other ball park. But I do know that forgiveness in itself is internal and external and ultimately the effects are universal.

Nagging Children Once Upon a Time

2010-11-10T14:20:00.000-05:00

Oh the drama of being a writer! Its more of a personal drama, like most things go. The pain of having this nagging child that needs attention but has to deal with an obviously over worked, over booked, lazy, desperately slow but very sorry mother. It seems that unlike these super writers I encounter in my imagination, I am lacking in consistency, time, and am obviously too self involved to actually take part in what I want to be involved in.

I suppose this is not a writer's issue but a human issue. I would love to be further involved in a lot of things like... I don't know...spending time with my family. But the truth of the matter is that I don't. I give my extra time to my family and I give most of my time to the so called "important things". I have encountered a place in my life where I realize I am never going to have time unless I make it, proactively. Unless I realize that time should go to what makes me happy and what I am most passionate about, unless I change my perception of time all together, I will never have any.

The first problem us mortals face is the misconception of time which honestly I myself cant say I am above. We believe we will have more time in the future than we do now. Trust me I have lived for 22 years and each year gets more hectic than the next. Responsibility on top of responsibility. Secondly we believe we can save time. We have 24 hours everyday, and you cant put some hour away in your pocket to use later. So if I ask you out for lunch and you say, "Sorry I don't have time" what you really are telling me is that you value some other event more than going to lunch with me at that specific moment. And so for putting my writing and family time to the side, I am valuing other responsibilities more.

Changing your perception of time is easier said than done. Paying attention is as easy as quantum physics. By paying attention I mean being there exactly where you are with nothing else on your mind but what is occurring at that particular moment. I guess that is why people fall into addictions because their drug of choice alters their perception to only see the now. My drug of choice is really cold ice tea. I pause, I sip, and I realize I don't care about anything else right now because this tea is so good.

Besides my love affair with ice tea, there are a few other things that truly make me feel present and right where I'm supposed to be. Reading is one, meditation, the right friends, the person I am in love with, a random child in the street, these things make me pay attention. I feel we are all over worked, not necessarily by actual responsibility but by our neurosis. My ping pong mind cant dare stay in one place most of the time. I miss out on the joy of doing things for the sake of doing them, because I cant be present, involved, and attentive to them. And ultimately because I feel I don't have the time.

I will not pretend I have the cure for our misconception of time, our lack of attentiveness and our neurosis. What I have is something I am passionate about that I try to make time to do, I write. I do not write consistently on this blog, primarily because I fear if people read my first drafts they would become nauseated by an unrefined ridiculously illogical presentation of ideas. But I understand that although writing is a pain in the ass that takes time, effort and lots of chocolate covered pretzels, It releases me from my self involvement. That is what the best things in life do, they release you from yourself to a bigger picture. Love is nothing but involving yourself in something other than yourself.

I hope you make an effort to release yourself from the misconception of time. I hope you listen to that little nagging child inside of you saying, "pay attention to me". I told that kid to shut her mouth for a couple of weeks, but I felt guilty and ashamed. One sure thing is that guilty and ashamed are not words to be ignored, but faced. Ultimately I am just happy I wrote this, yes I had to be in class right now. Yes, I have a 15 page paper due. But writing this is taking care of my child, and I love my child.

Perfectionism

2010-10-17T18:42:00.002-04:00

All week I have been meaning to write. I have been meaning to put together a cover letter for an internship. I want this cover letter to be professional but also relatively entertaining to read. This cover letter will posses a perfect combo of personality and enthusiasm that will shine through my writing. I mean seriously, the perfection and absolute beauty of my cover letter will just leave the reader in a total daze, the type of daze only an orgasmic experience can leave you in. It will be perfectly short, and to the point, but it will totally brain fuck you. Once my cover letter has been read, there's no turning back. It will only intrigue the reader to personally hand deliver my resume to the president of the company. From then on the possibilities are endless. I will probably be recommended as editor to some prestigious publication. Who could blame them? My cover letter would be totally perfect.

The problem here is I wrote absolutely no such thing. In fact I am paralyzed. I cant write anything because there is a pretty hefty chance it wont resemble that damn orgasmic cover letter of my dreams. Oh, the cruelty of reality! This brings me to think of perfectionism as the voice of the oppressor. I once read of a study concerning what I believe perfectionism produces in our personalities. The professor had two groups of students in a pottery class. One group was told their work would be judged on quantity of work produced not quality. The other group was given the task of creating just a couple pieces of art, with the goal of quality in mind, perfection. For one month the quantity group and the quality group worked. At the end of the study the group with the best quality of work turned out to actually be the quantity group. The group that focused on perfection pretty much drove themselves bonkers about making it so perfect, ironically, they didn't achieve their goal at all. The quantity group, because of so much practice and so many tries with no perfection in mind, became impressively talented.

I hear people say quality is better than quantity, when work is concerned. But there is a flawless honesty in trying. Mental algorithms of perfection can never surpass the reality of excellence practice can give you. If anything perfectionism is a mental disease of sorts, keeping us judgmental and routine. I know some will say ,"But isn't perfectionism the goal of attaining excellence?". No, trying is the goal of attaining excellence. Anything else is our minds neurosis, a delusion of what "perfection"is, and perfection is nothing but an opinion. It holds no truth on its own besides what we believe perfection to be.

My opinion on perfection is different than yours, and that's fine. You might think a perfect cover letter should definitely not be orgasmic. I believe you are insane and should get some help. Ideally perfection should not limit us, it should not put us down. It should not be a mental obsession because then you truly aren't living. Focus on quantity, try, then maybe the results will surpass even your own opinion of perfection and will become something even greater.

So I guess now its time to go write this cover letter. ..

The Answers To Your Questions

2010-09-28T15:59:00.000-04:00

Rainer Maria Rilke once told to a young poet to have patience with all that is unsolved in his heart, and to try to cherish the questions themselves, like closed rooms and books written in a very strange tongue. "Do not search now for the answers which cannot be given to you because you could not live them. It is a matter of living everything. Live the questions now." Rilke went on to explain to this poet that maybe gradually and without even noticing it he would live right into the answers.

Most of my days are spent questioning, because of my young age I question the future with perhaps more vigor than the past or present. I have a hunch I am not the only one. I lose myself in hypothetical and imaginary events. I lose myself in all the possible outcomes of a situation. I try to visualize the answers, the many I am lacking. It takes pure mental power to realize I am here now. To realize that those answers, like Rilke said, could not be lived at this moment. To immerse myself in the beauty not knowing offers, the possibilities, the experience.

I have felt inadequate and defective as a human being for not knowing. I once had an idea that others knew a special trick I didn't. I've felt as if everyone else knew their role in this world except me. I still don't fully know my role in this world, but I thank good literature and real people for showing me the light. I thank the books and people who dare to be authentic and admit they know absolutely nothing about most things, but love the journey with and without answers. I used to have this perception that everything I was going through was something to have gotten over, another thing in the way of that great day when my real life would begin. The truth is my real life is here now. This is my life, this is your life. Right here right now, not next Tuesday, or in an hour. These questions these problems they are your life and its up to you to view them as a person with eyes wide open loving every horrible, beautiful, sad, lovely, angry, annoying minute of it. By loving I only mean respecting them as part of your life, and acknowledging they make up the whole that is the story of you.

I promise you that if you ask the right questions you will eventually live right into the right answers. And living the answers my friend is a lot more fun than just hearing them or reading them, or even having them answered by Oprah. Trust life, that is all.

It's Still Important To Say

2010-09-21T14:13:00.000-04:00

Alfred North Whitehead once said , "Everything important has been said before". Has everything that's important been said before? I understand the reasoning behind that statement, the fact that most of the secrets of happiness have been laid out by the brilliant minds of yesterday and today, and all anyone is doing is restating the spiritual facts we all know by way of our own experience.

I feel there are too many things we fear to say. We fear to say these things so they go unsaid, for too long. Eventually we hear someone echoing the thoughts we had been thinking all along, we say, "that's so true" or we nod our heads. People often forget they have an opinion. I actually write in big capital letters frequently all over my notes "YOU HAVE AN OPINION". It's a reminder. Because we truly do forget, just like we forget that we usually know the answer to our problems. But we refuse to be silent enough to hear our thoughts, that voice inside, or God what have you.

I feel what hasn't been said is whats most important. Everyone has their own truth. That truth lives inside all of us. The things unsaid are as important if not more important than the things said. We let things happen to us because we don't say how we feel. If we could say it, hear the words come out of our mouths, we could realize the things that don't serve us and the things that do. Its important to express your thoughts, because truly there has never been a "you" present in this world. Someone who sees things from your perspective, someone who has experienced your identical experience. That is why i feel everything important has not been said. Because your thoughts on life are equally important as that of Aristotle. Yea you may not have spent your life a distinguished philosopher. But guess what? Aristotle never lived his life as you either. So say what you need to say, and say what you feel, and share with us your philosophies and dreams. Because of your uniqueness you will always say something new, as long as its truthful to your vantage point.

Some Thoughts On Confidence

2010-08-24T02:25:00.005-04:00

I often notice someone on the train who intrigues me, not in a romantic way, just in a human way. I see beautiful women with eccentric hair, and people with huge instruments that barely fit in the train car. I love the dancers and the girl who wore the most ridiculously fun outfit with incredibly frizzy hair, whose smile resonates through the mediocre lights. I love those people, the ones who don't care about smooth hair or about matching color palettes for outfits. I find myself falling in love with the women who decided to wear no makeup today. Their wrinkles are deep with memories, the wrinkles of frowns and smiles. I start a secret adoration for the man in a sharp suit with dreadlocks that flow down his back like Niagara Falls. I am intrigued most by the people who genuinely smile; they smile at me, they smile at you, they just smile even when you stare them down with the look you reserve for your local crazy cat lady.

I find the most beautiful people to be the people who dare to walk outside the conventions of nice and neat. I can’t do that. I believe most of us can’t. I dislike my hair naturally curly. It’s frizzy and wild, and leaves me with a mild residue of insecurity. My hair goes into waves and curls that leave you dizzy and confused. My curls counter with the idea of a "lady". A proper lady, to my mother anyway, always looks tamed and pretty with no trace of unruliness. I guess my curls make me look humbly human and not put together. It is my own personal belief we are all acting to some extent. We are acting to seem in place, to seem confident, assured, to impress someone or to fit to what someone else's opinion of correct is (our parents maybe, society, religion).

The truth is to try and be someone else is a waste of your self. We are all uniquely human, flawed, freckled, passionate and fabulous in our own right. I hope that one of these days you are the person that intrigues me on the train. I hope I bump into your flowing confidence. I want to experience the stares people give you and the smiles you throw back. I hope you’re one of the people who smile. You are vulnerable and innocently human when you smile and I appreciate your honesty. Lets hope I see enough of you beautiful people that it inspires me to try my curly-fro out for a whole month. I hope most of all you yourself see the beauty of an honest confidence in self, in art, and in your own music.

The Critics Of Your Life/Work/Ideas

2010-08-02T13:54:00.000-04:00

I used to get the impression that when someone criticized me they were smarter than me. This impression is a side effect from living in this North American mental wasteland. The type of society that loves to point fingers and comment, yet lacks the ability to produce anything of substance that could actually improve our non-material lives (most of the time anyway).

I have bitten my tongue and still at times do, because of that voice of the masses to comment. When I write I feel my guts spilling out, my insides unguarded. I feel, more like believe beyond rationality, that there is someone out there dissecting my insides pointing out how horrible my grammar is, and how impossibly unrealistic my goals are and how my lack of commitment to write at least once a week leads them to shit itty bitty alligators out of pure disgust.

Most believe the critic is somehow an authority, this is pure crap. The mass epidemic of all time is the inability of people to produce, to act on their hopes, ambitions and dreams. The critic most of the time is that person left aside to see the progress of others, that person is everywhere. I believe we are all critics, but the bitter critics make sure to let the soreness of their lives be felt by all those who make any progress.

Someone very special told me the other day that there never was a statue enacted of a critic. The truth is that what you create of yourself and otherwise, and how you make others feel will endure past your time here on earth. The critics will always be silenced by what they never achieved. Don't let the mass bitterness of this world stop you from doing what you feel is right for you. I know I am still dealing and fighting the hard battle of being myself in a world that tries its best to make me someone else, its complicated work but you're not alone my friend.

Complainers

2010-07-29T17:22:00.000-04:00

I complain. I try not to, but it's so fun. I get a small pleasure from people feeling slightly bad for me sometimes. I get an extra kick out of complaining about my job. I get an even bigger kick out of dissecting apart customer service representatives over the phone, or my credit card company. Preferably I love talking shit about my school. The douche in class who sounds way more articulate than I. I mean why did you have to speak after me? This will only start a debate, and people will come out with bruised egos, and a sensitivity to public speaking. Not that I suffer from any of those.

I guess I take up after my grandmother. She complains wildly about body pain. I wont go into all the details and theories to why we know its complete bullshit. I will tell you that people, unless suffering from a diagnosed illness, don't just suffer from general pain in non specified places...Unless you are suffering from emotional pain and to that I say good luck. I guarantee she is a happy camper. Anyway she complains for attention, for someone to say,"poor baby you want a cookie"? And who doesn't want a cookie? I want a cookie. I may not be the most attention craving creature but sometimes asking for affection wont cut it. Complaining seems like the only way out.

Although this cookie theory seems comforting, why spoil a peaceful moment with your irritations? You know exactly what I mean, the serial complainer. The person constantly on a rant you wish you could just put a sock in their pie holes. Writers seem to have my only support when they go on rants, but thats because things in print seem less annoying than disappointing sound waves hitting my ear drums. Evidently everyone is annoyed, granted there are a million things to be annoyed about. The point is if you want your social life to go anywhere positive its important to foster an environment of positivity. Your negative thoughts are sticky. When you speak of negativity it sparks a negative thought into the listener. Not only will it spark a negative thought, when that person thinks of you they are more likely to associate you with negativity.

I dont know you, but I know you have enough on your plate and don't need to hear me complain about the weather. Sure it might slip but thats just because it's so damn hot out, jeez! We are all annoyed at times and we all might be looking for a little attention, but lets emphasize the good things. Lets try our best to go on rants about how marvelous it is that ice cream trucks make their way around town this time of year. Or how wonderful it is that although the customer service rep. was rude, he/she eventually fixed the problem. It's so easy to be negative, it takes real courage and sometimes imagination to stay in a positive note. Positivity not just for you but for everyone around you, they are going through as much annoyance as you so be kind to their ears.

A Penny Or a Smile

2010-06-29T02:02:00.003-04:00

June: Be Generous

June is generosity month for my happiness project. Consequently I have never experienced more homeless people on the train and on the streets than this month. Just a massive wave of needy people seemed to find me at every turn. Every day on my way to work or school I found myself bumping into the same 10 homeless people that frequent the lines of this city's maze of transportation. So naturally, remembering my task for the month, I would try to shyly put my head down as to not anger the gods with my obsession of collecting pocket change, a greedy, useless little habit I blame on no one but my inner Ebenezer Scrooge. I swear they knew somehow what I was up to. It seemed as though they were somehow following my blog and realized they all needed to group together and follow my commute, assuming I would be easy target for their speeches.

As the month progressed I grew to resent all these panhandlers. Yes, completely resent them, I took them personally as I do most things in my life. One time a particular panhandler asked for help, she gave a riveting sermon that would have made Obama weep at his sad sap of an inauguration speech. So I offered the best I could at the time, a bottle of water. On a hot summer day a bottle of water is salvation to any human being. I offered my water and she said she rather change. I was deeply offended. I wanted to curse her out. I wanted to show to everyone what a sham she was, what a lazy crook. I vowed to not help anyone asking for change, because this certainly would make us even. Partly (and by partly I mean mostly) my response was an extension of frustration and resentment caused by all the people in my life I wanted to give things to, who wouldn't accept it. All the ex-boyfriends who didn't take my love, or my time, or help, or compliments, or take me into their arms. It was the resentment I felt when the people I cared about would not accept me as I was, as I would be, as I could be. Who was she to deny my water? Pure water, perfectly as it was.

So I started doing what any normal flawed human being would do, I judged. I judged all bums, panhandlers, vagabonds, street persons. I judged them to see who was worthy of my penny, who was worthy of my help. Somehow my brain calculated precise algorithms that in fact equaled pay back for that tramp that denied my water. I did this for about two weeks.

Today I sat in a subway car scribbling away in my notepad as I frequently do. On Flatbush Avenue rambling on about the greatness of generosity, the grander, how we should all aspire to be generous. As it occurs to most writers a sudden block of inspiration appeared as I tried to piece together the definition of generosity. At that precise moment the universe suddenly did what it does best.

a) Throw shit in my face. b) Show me where I am wrong.

Of course the universe decided to throw me a combo of both A and B for good measure. A young man walks into the train car. He is blind. I have seen him a few times drumming the ground to the beat of his own heart's music as he holds on to a walking stick. He asks for change, for food, for acknowledgment. As he makes his slow decent towards me, all I think about is all the reasons why I shouldn't help. I think about the man who just gave him two dollars, and pretend that second dollar was from me. I think how someone else should take care of it. How my doing something would make no difference. My mind went frantic figuring ways i could hide my face, a way I wouldn't have to see him. I was looking for a way to hide from a blind man. But my heart knows better and i heard a voice inside me say, "That's whats wrong with this world everyone is waiting on the next person to fix it". We (specially me at that moment) rely on someone else to be kind so we wont have to be. Rely on someone else to care. Relying on someone else to be generous so we wont have to be.

Something miraculous happened on that train. As this man made his way through the subway car practically everyone on the train gave. I saw countless men pull out dollar bills. No hesitation in their faces, one by one giving more than necessary. No one passed judgement, no one asked questions. People just gave with no expectations. That is what generosity is ; giving for the act of giving. Giving is beautiful and in its most pure form selfless. These strangers gave and although I may never know all the reasons behind their actions I know deep down they felt it was correct. That in giving there was some type of truth their hearts could not deny.

By the time he made his way to me I looked in his face tenderly as if he was a sign from god, as if I knew him from a past life. I realized how wrong I was to condition being a good person, the type of person I aspire to be. I acknowledged how wrong I was to limit kindness to certain people. To be greedy with my help. I could no longer hide myself from this man who dragged in the truth with him. I gave the man what I had. I gave him a smile, even though he couldn't see it (but deep down inside I like to think he felt it). I gave him half a cookie I was enjoying, I figured it was too good not to share. Sometimes all we have to give is a smile.

I learned that generosity is not in the giving, it is in the selfless act of not expecting back. Even a smile.

Release

2010-06-07T17:35:00.001-04:00

Release

It often comes to mind how this blog is too ambitious. But then i tell my brain to shut the hell up and do what I tell it to, write. Writing is something annoying at times. I am so involved in my mental state of chaos. My mind seriously has no format, it just goes, sometimes on rants, sometimes so randomly i cant even understand the reason for me even having thoughts, as they make no logical sense. I don't know if I am the only person who does this, but I often have hypothetical story lines and episodes play out in my mind. Seriously these mini dramas have no sense in being, they usually are stories i wish i could tell, of fictional super cool shit that randomly could occur in my life, but realistically doesn't. I have a feeling i will never get rid of my often weird imagination. I still to this day fantasize about life just randomly becoming a musical. Straight out of Grease. Of course i would play Rizzo, just because shes bad ass, and i love me rebellious female characters.

What the hell do i do with this ocean of fictional tales that inhabit my mind? I seriously had no idea, i pretty much just believed they where there to take up space. But i just cant deal with it anymore, the constant mind boggling amount of useful time i spend on hypothetical events is just too annoying and just fucks with the equanimity of my mind. April was creativity month, June is generosity month. I am supposed to be creative and give as part of my happiness project, that's just what I am going to do. I am going to release this randomness from my brain and spill it into paper no matter how much logical sense it may be lacking. Maybe after a few years of of this i will have a mediocre movie script to pitch to MTV.

So this brings me to a thought. In order to receive should we not release? Let go of, give away, retire, give to the world your thoughts and maybe in return you will free space for better bigger thoughts. Release people, I feel it's a worthy aim. Be generous to the world by giving to it your thoughts and ideas.

Poetry & Prose

2010-05-10T01:00:00.001-04:00

April: Creativity

I love to write. You know something is a part of you if as a child you did it willingly. I remember being 8 years old coming up with my own little stories, at one point i was trying to invent my own language. I had a weird alphabet set up on my room wall. It was composed of little drawings that were supposed to represent a word. Weird but true story.

Recently i found poems and letters i wrote from the age of 10 to about 15 years old. I love words they call upon me more than any visuals. Words to me are so marvelous,they express ideas and in doing so they express nothing but what you associate with them. Poetry is an art, i have recently been made aware of this. Its funny, tell yourself you aren't an artist and nothing in your life by your definition is artistic.

In honor of creativity month i am launching a separate blog with my own original poetry, old poems and new poems. Ultimately these poems are myself on paper, or computer screen in your case. Why do this? Well, should an artist be ashamed of his art? This is me, i write,this is my art. Someone else's definition of creativity cant take the place of your own nature. Above all the happiness project is not a recreation of who i am. The happiness project is based on the embrace of all that is yourself.

A writer is as much an artist as a musician. An artist simply is the expression of him/herself. Art is in the eye of the beholder after all. This is the biggest lesson i have learned from my month of creativity.

Check out my poetry blog: PoemLeaf.blogspot.com

"The smell of ink is intoxicating to me - others may have wine, but I have poetry." - Terri Guillemets

"Most painters have painted themselves. So have most poets: not so palpably indeed, but more assiduously. Some have done nothing else."- Augustus William Hare

"A poet's autobiography is his poetry. Anything else is just a footnote." - Yevgeny Yentushenko

Breathe-in experience,
breathe-out poetry.
~Muriel Rukeyser

Creativity

2010-05-09T23:59:00.003-04:00

April: Creativity

Ultimately creativity comes down to expression. The release of the stories, music, dreams, and images that plague our mind. An exhale of the human brain or soul, what have you. The month of April was all about creativity for my happiness project.

I don't consider myself creative. I have never passed by a mirror and exclaimed, "now that's an artist!" I actually grew up with a complex about my creative abilities. My brother has always been the artist of the family. This kid paints on oil canvas, abstract and realist art. He actually plays the guitar,the viola,the violin,the harmonica. My kid brother can draw like no ones business, he exudes an aura of a young Michael Angelo. I, on the other hand, must give off as much creative vibe as an accountant. I, as my mother would explain, am the brains in the family.

I have been stamped with this title, branded in theory, by the opinions and expectations of my family. I am to be the one with the good grades, the one who is logical, responsible, on top of anything having to do with organization. I am not to wander off course, or take time off, because lets face it i am determined, and an artist is simply none of those things. An artist, or at least in my family, can take his time and lives a carefree life.

Creativity is an exhale. I think its time i tried my creative bone out. I want to play the drums. I have always had a love affair with the drums. If you have been fortunate enough to bump into me on the train, you would have noticed i air drum the shit out of my commute. I have come to understand that if you like something when you are 10 years old, its pretty much a part of who you are. I asked my mom for a drum set when i was 10. I massacred the set, but the joy that it brought me was unmeasurable. I want to do with my life what i love, and i love drums. Its not an easy task but one well worth the effort.

"Mom i am going to learn how to play the drums", i said. " But you aren't creative, leave that to your brother,you have too much going on". Opinions,opinions,opinions. What good is the title anyone gives us? I never gave myself the tittle of "smarts". Titles only limit. We should all strive to be a complex beautiful piece of art.

"The artist is not a special kind of man; every man is a special kind of artist" - Sri Coomaraswamy

(One would suppose, every woman,too.)

March: "No"

2010-04-12T14:41:00.001-04:00

March: Discipline

March has been a constant reminder of what I promise myself. My best friend calls me “a people pleaser”. In no way am I an extremist. I am not going around paying peoples phone bills, or running errands for them, etc. I tend to want to make things fun for everyone before myself. I find it my duty to break awkward silences, to try and get someone a drink, to act as host or bring up something fun to do. Not only that but I feel a big problem I have is a responsibility for showing up. I have been known to never say no to an invite. Most of the time I am there rain, sleet, snow, possible tornado I will give it the old college try. I am not saying I don’t have a good time, but I have been stuck too many times in situations I don’t want to be in for the sake of not ruining anyone’s weekend, birthday, bat mitzvah, you name it.

So I have been practicing the art of NO. I have been saying “no” to anything I don’t feel like doing. Like “No, I will not be working here full time”. “No, I wont go to your birthday party, but Happy Birthday.” “No thanks, I will not go with you to stalk that guy you like who lives around my neighborhood. By the way that’s creepy.” “No” is liberating. “No” can be the best decision you ever make. At first saying “no” left a bad aftertaste in my mouth. Like I had taken a bite out of the fruit of limitations. Soon enough I realized I needed to set my limits clearly to live a happier life. Stand your ground, know exactly what you don’t want to do, and don’t do it. Denis Waitley once said,"Everything is something you decide to do,and there is nothing you have to do." Limiting the amount of say outside forces have on your time is key to focusing on activities that bring you joy.

What situation do you find yourself in all the time that dont bring you the joy you deserve? This is a good indication you need some “NO” in your life. Get fed up n just say it “NO!” Scream it out loud if you must.

"Let me listen to me, and not to them"- Gertrude Stein

March: Late

2010-04-04T13:44:00.002-04:00

The Happiness Project (click the THP label on your right for more info)

March: Discipline
Late.

How many of the opinions you had 5 years ago have not changed? I was presented this question during one of those heated classroom debates in college. You know that rare instance when even the quiet guy in the back of the class expresses a brief moment of interest. For me the answer was simple 75 percent of my opinions from 5 years ago have not stood the test of time. I had opinions on all sorts of stuff. I had opinions on how everyone else should act, how the world works, how my hair should look, the list goes on and on. Your opinions are your beliefs they transcend into your actions. If it wasn't for an underlying opinion that all customer service representatives are dumb I would not speak to them as though they were children.

One of my opinions about life has just been shattered. I never realized I held this opinion it just kind of became part of my life, that little secret ingredient that made me who I was. I actually embraced it, stamped my seal of approval and said onward with the rest of my magnificent existence. I have grown to understand the constancy of certainty is change. Eventually our path to growth persuades us to shed the beliefs that don’t serve us. Like a snake shedding its skin. Some beliefs are so ingrained into us that it takes a magnitude of an event or events to finally realize they no longer serve any purpose in the life we want to live.

I live a life full of responsibilities, less than some, more than others. I also have a very leisurely attitude regarding time. I don’t see a specific point to going to class unless necessary and by necessary I mean it must be a very strict class requirement. I have been late all my life. Lateness to me is slightly fashionable. Actually I cruise very whimsically through my life. I never think a slight lateness will ever cost me much. I once showed up to an interview for Citibank in which the manager actually wanted to start an argument with me about my 5 minute lateness from the previous interview. Yea, I didn’t get that job. I have held on to this belief that I can go through my life late. Lateness has never been too much of an issue to keep me behind, it has just served as a slight nuisance but never caused me much harm. Today I was my usual 5 min late, for check in at the airport. I made my way calmly with my beliefs packed neatly in my luggage along with my bras and panties. “ Hi I'm late I think” I said. I realize now my attitude was so “eh whatever”. “ Yes 5 minutes late” the voice behind the counter expressed. I never made it on that 2:30 flight. My poor 21 year old heart, once filled with excitement and hopes of uniting with my friends behind the gates, was crushed with disappointment. My wallet also suffered a heavy 50 dollar defeat for the booking of a later flight.

March has been dedicated to discipline. Starting out this month was about keeping my promises. All month I have embraced situations that required me to keep the promises I made to myself. I aimed at forgetting my “people pleaser” mentality and focus on the only voice I hear when my head hits the pillow at night. I realize now this month of discipline stems from feeling not in control over my time. It never crossed my mind that my beliefs/opinions where constantly there, serenading my unconscious decisions. My opinion on lateness was so ingrained in my brain that even after missing my flight it honestly took me some time before realizing I had no reason for being late. I could not blame traffic, the weather, or another person. My opinion of lateness was the cause of my disappointment.

Take a look at your actions, even the ones that seem harmless. Think about what underlying opinions those actions express. Ask yourself if they contribute to some area of your life you are not happy with. Its hard to look at your actions so bluntly. Its hard to not make excuses for yourself. I know I try my best to be kind to myself.

I have an opinion that has truly held its own for a long time. Be kind to yourself but acknowledge your wrongs. It took me missing a plane to realize; where my life is going the idea of lateness being completely OK has no place. Don’t wait until the moment you miss a plane or an opportunity or a life to recognize the opinions that don’t serve you.

“Ultimately, happiness comes down to choosing between the discomfort of becoming aware of your mental afflictions and the discomfort of being ruled by them.” –Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

March: The Month of Discipline

2010-04-02T03:15:00.005-04:00

The Happiness Project (please click on the Happiness Project label to your right for an explanation of THP)

MARCH: Discipline

No, I am not aiming to be a ninja or samurai, or even a gymnast. No, I don’t want my life to be a boot camp. My definition of discipline is keeping the promises I make to myself.

Why are we so willing to disappoint ourselves? I promise myself all types of stuff. I promise myself I will never do this or that again. I wont speak to a certain someone anymore. I will do my homework when I get home. I will keep my schedule in order. My resolutions slip through the cracks unsatisfied more times than I can count. If I cant keep the promises I make to myself, than how can I become upset when someone else doesn’t follow through with promises directed at me? Moreover, how can I want something from others I don’t even give myself?

Happiness has a lot to do with feeling in control. I have a firm belief we can’t control anything but ourselves. I have grown to be more tolerant of other people’s bullshit, the weather, random things that come up, etc. because I accept this as the nature of the world. So by control I mean control over ourselves.

I decided to dedicate my month to discipline because it’s important. Discipline makes character. Although it might sound a bit restrictive I am going about it in my own way, no boot camp required. Sometimes, happiness doesn’t always make you happy at the moment. As much as I hate getting up to go to school in the morning, and lord knows I love my sleep, if I weren’t going to school I would be miserable. Miserable because something I value would not be taking a part in my life. I love to learn, I love school. This idea might not fit every person, but that’s why this is MY happiness project and MY life. What discomfort do you put up with in order to keep what you value in your life? Discipline is all about looking at the bigger picture. I more often than not dislike the writing process. But it brings me joy to write, to express myself. Without the discipline to carry out what brings me joy the happiness in my life would surely deteriorate. A month dedicated to keeping my resolutions truly sets the stage for the rest of my happiness project.

So a repeat, no I am not taking any karate classes. I am not going to be practicing for the Olympics. No I will not be joining the marines (although my brother is, I’m so proud). March was all about keeping the promises I made to myself.

The List

2010-03-17T18:23:00.001-04:00

What do you want to do before you die?

That was the question i faintly managed to hear through the circus that is my apartment. Completely struck by the magnitude of a question that should be,well,simple to answer. Its not that i lacked an answer,but the frantic race my brain went through to come up with all the possibilities really left an impression on me. I looked everywhere for that damn remote. I wanted to know why my t.v would ask such a question. Does my t.v suddenly care? Once reunited with my remote i increased the volume, and what i heard left me in love. The show was "The Buried Life". A group of guys set out in an R.V all through the U.S to complete a 100 item list of things they want to do before they die. First thought: "omg this is soo fucking badass". But wait thats not all, for every item they crossed off their list they helped a stranger do something they want to do before they die. I was inspired.

The thing i love most about this are the items on the list. Most are, well just plain fun. Number 26 "tell a judge 'you want the truth,you cant handle the truth'". Number 9 "destroy a computer". Little awesome things. Thats what makes a difference.

Inspired by all things awesome,i am starting my own list. Maybe "starting" is not the best word,i am making my list come to life,my life. I will have a list of things i want to do. Not just "graduate from college" or "buy a house". I want to do stuff i always wanted to do. I also want to do whatever comes to mind.

This is a "Bucket List" project i am undertaking for the rest of my life. Its a sort of compliment to the Happiness Project, and i will try to choose an item every month from my list that can compliment my Happiness Project concentration for the month (for more info on The Happiness Project click the labels tab on the right of the page).

So here goes...all my randomness in one list. This list is definitely not done, i will post further items later on in the year.

1. Climb a tree.
2. Dance with Ellen Degeneres
3. Make a sand angel in the nevada desert.
4. Make a sand angel in the sahara desert.
5. Hang out with Anthony Bourdain.
6. Start a food fight.
7. Throw a stranger a birthday party.
8. Learn how to tie a cherry stem with my tongue.
9. Swim in a public fountain.
10. Host a t.v show.
11. March for gay rights.
12. Buy a stranger lunch.
13. Bungy jump.
14. Drive a hot pink sports car around town.
15. Dress in all neon.
16. Sky dive.
17. Milk a cow & use the milk in my cereal.
18. Star in a commercial
19. ~~Create a blog~~
20. Visit Martin Luther King Jr.'s resting place.
21. Bring Lucille Ball wine and flowers to her resting place.
22. Become friends with an astronaut.
23. Learn to surf, preferably in Australia.
24. Create a wall sized collage of my life.
25. Help save an endangered species.
26. Figure out how much fat kids love cake.
27. Scream obscenities at the grand canyon.
28. Enter a eating contest.
29. Stick it to the man. (Any ideas how?? Let me know)
30. Brush my teeth with a bottle of jack.
40. Stage Dive
41. Throw a tomato at someone i dislike (Bush/Cheney maybe? or the MTA CEO? share your ideas)
42. Play the drums with a band at a venue.
43. Go kayaking on the hudson.
44. Win an award.
45. Hang out with the guys from "The Buried Life".
46. Murder a blackberry.
47. Save someones life.
48. Go on a blind date.
49. Write a book.
50. Have a drink named after me, on a menu.
51. Mud Wrestle

I will post up my experience along with the documented evidence of the completed items on my list. I will try to do something off the list hopefully once a month. Also check later on in the year for the full 100 item list. Send me your ideas i might just post them on my list.

Along with the items crossed off my list i will post my adventures helping people do things off their list. Every time i complete something on my list i cant do anything else off the list until i help someone else.

So, ready to do all the stuff you always wanted to do? I am,as bizarre as some of my items may be,they sound super fun to me. Your list should reflect what you find fun no matter what anyone else may think. What do you want to do before you die?

(By the way check out "The Buried Life" blog, awesome stuff)

What is a Happiness Project?

2010-03-04T11:37:00.006-05:00

The Happiness Project
Inspired by the book “The Happiness Project” by Gretchin Rubin, I am undertaking my own happiness project. The project is a year experiment to find out if one could in fact be happier. Following advice from scientific research, philosophers, my own ideas, general advice from friends, and anywhere I can find it. I will dedicate each month to a specific resolution that I believe will benefit my happiness. I want to focus every month on one thing, but also maintain the subject of my focus with me for the rest of my life, to remember it in my everyday. During the month I will post my experiences, misadventures and most importantly if these resolutions are having an effect on my happiness.

March: Discipline
-Keeping the promises i make to myself.
April: Creativity
-Learn to play the drums.
May: Laugh Out Loud
- Laugh more.
June: Be Generous
-Give
July: Do The New
-Try everything new,no excuses.
August: Find A Cause
-Find something im passionate about.
September: Say It Out Loud
-Therapy and counseling.
October: Friends & Family
-Be the flowers.
November: Mindfulness
-Imitate a spiritual master.
December: Slow Down
-Do one thing at a time.
January: TBA
February: TBA
March: TBA

"What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while."

What exactly is this project about? Well by all means I am nowhere near unhappy. On the contrary I have been called “overly optimistic” about everything in general. But have you ever thought about what will actually make you happy? I am usually in the position where I realize what I thought would make me happier, once i've acquired it, brings me less joy then I had anticipated. I find a small percentage of my time being spent on what i truly want to do. I am not sugesting some life altering process, i want to improve my life as is. I want to take my life seriously, but also less seriously, to focus on true satisfaction but also have time to wander and get lost,to play. Taking a little time to think about what will truly make you happier is the best gift to yourself and to everyone around you. Happy people make better friends, coworkers, parents, girlfriends/boyfriends, and are a joy to be around. So what about you? What do you think will make you happier? And most importantly what are you doing right now that’s taking away from spending more time on what you love to do, on what you always wanted to work on? What would you dedicate even a month to in your own happiness project?

According to Aristotle, "Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existance."

Think Big

2010-03-04T11:11:00.002-05:00

One of the best things you can do for anyone is to help them think big, the simple act of encouraging someone to follow through with their goals, ambitions, dreams. Even encouraging those small changes one can make to help yourself and others live a more fulfilling life. Think Big blog is not about one specific thing. It’s composed of two main projects I have chosen to undertake for the next year of my life. This is a journey to do what I truly want, to find a happier place, and to just live the moment. My only hope for this blog is that it inspires even one person to “do it”. Do what exactly? Well that’s up to you. Do what you want to do. If you aren’t sure about what you want to do, well then, by all means, Think Big. Life is a verb. Our lives are our own private literature, the memories and stories we keep or in my case choose to share with you. Beyond my own projects this blog is about YOU. Your ideas and opinions, I encourage your thoughts. Trust me there will be plenty to discuss.