I am certainly not in a good mood all the time. I'm not positive in every situation. It's a pure struggle some days to come up with one positive phrase. I find myself rolling my eyes at inspirational quotes, and even at my own positive spin on situations. Yes, I roll my eyes at myself. This news might put me in the loony bin, guilty as charged. I only admit this because I feel that if your going to start anywhere the truth is the best place. I want my writing to be my truth.
I often ask the universe for help. I ask for growth. What I forget is that all the enlightened attributes and situations I ask for mean change. These situations call for me to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is among the words I would use to describe times of growth, but gut wrenching agony and deep anxiety feel more like the ticket. Agony? Anxiety? Yes! Sign me up for some growth! Growth is a painful lesson not yet learned, deep issues that float to the surface, and the feeling of being undoubtedly challenged (I understand there is peaceful growth as well). The universe is unapologetic in support of your growth.
A lot of people are into growth. In fact growth is cool. We want to grow our careers, our businesses, our relationships. We want them to thrive, to keep reaching new heights. What culture leaves out is that growth equals change. It is surprising how conditional we are to behavioral changes as adults. We can acquire new knowledge, we can grow older with age, we can even try new experiences. We have no problem acquiring, we have a problem letting go. We have problems letting go of beliefs, letting go of behaviors, letting go of relationships, ultimately letting go of the past. We feel as though If we let this go we have less. We cling so hard that the universe eventually understands it must bombard us for our own good. We must feel pain to understand the need to let go. This works constructively as well. We must feel the struggle to understand what we have, to stick to our dreams, to keep trying, to save ourselves from our own neurosis, to save our relationships from our egos. When we know whats worth the struggle in the long run, that right there is truth. The only thing we should keep is the truth.
Of course we make mistakes. Change is much easier said than done. It is much easier understood than executed. It's nice on paper, not nice up against an arsenal of negative perceptions and fears stored inside our own minds. The hardest parts for me are the areas I feel that growth should not touch, they are too personal for fresh air, they are buried deep, and for the universe to creep up that far into my mental cavities freaks me out. So I pucker my lips, I rave and I rant, I walk around rolling my eyes at my own positivity. I am essentially freaking out. I have no answer on how to rid this negative reaction to growth. I am just hopeful the pharmaceutical industry will launch a new drug to counteract these side effects at some point in the near future.
They say characters are made or broken during hard times. If you ask me, I want to be made and broken. I want to break away from what does not serve me and be made new by what does. Growth is certainly the path less traveled gracefully, but it's a path we must all take. We will change kicking and screaming. We will change gracefully at times. We will be pressured, broken, thrown into the fire, and rubbed in every which way. But in the end we will be polished rocks.