Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Nagging Children Once Upon a Time

Oh the drama of being a writer! Its more of a personal drama, like most things go. The pain of having this nagging child that needs attention but has to deal with an obviously over worked, over booked, lazy, desperately slow but very sorry mother. It seems that unlike these super writers I encounter in my imagination, I am lacking in consistency, time, and am obviously too self involved to actually take part in what I want to be involved in. 

I suppose this is not a writer's issue but a human issue. I would love to be further involved in a lot of things like... I don't know...spending time with my family. But the truth of the matter is that I don't. I give my extra time to my family and I give most of my time to the so called "important things". I have encountered a place in my life where I realize I am never going to have time unless I make it, proactively. Unless I realize that time should go to what makes me happy and what I am most passionate about, unless I change my perception of time all together, I will never have any.

The first problem us mortals face is the misconception of time which honestly I myself cant say I am above. We believe we will have more time in the future than we do now. Trust me I have lived for 22 years and each year gets more hectic than the next. Responsibility on top of responsibility. Secondly we believe we can save time. We have 24 hours everyday, and you cant put some hour away in your pocket to use later. So if I ask you out for lunch and you say, "Sorry I don't have time" what you really are telling me is that you value some other event more than going to lunch with me at that specific moment. And so for putting my writing and family time to the side, I am valuing other responsibilities more.

Changing your perception of time is easier said than done. Paying attention is as easy as quantum physics. By paying attention I mean being there exactly where you are with nothing else on your mind but what is occurring at that particular moment. I guess that is why people fall into addictions because their drug of choice alters their perception to only see the now. My drug of choice is really cold ice tea. I pause, I sip, and I realize I don't care about anything else right now because this tea is so good. 

    Besides my love affair with ice tea, there are a few other things that truly make me feel present and right where I'm supposed to be. Reading is one, meditation, the right friends, the person I am in love with, a random child in the street, these things make me pay attention. I feel we are all over worked, not necessarily by actual responsibility but by our neurosis. My ping pong mind cant dare stay in one place most of the time. I miss out on the joy of doing things for the sake of doing them, because I cant be present, involved, and attentive to them. And ultimately because I feel I don't have the time. 

I will not pretend I have the cure for our misconception of time, our lack of attentiveness and our neurosis. What I have is something I am passionate about that I try to make time to do, I write. I do not write consistently on this blog, primarily because I fear if people read my first drafts they would become nauseated by an unrefined ridiculously illogical presentation of ideas. But I understand that although writing is a pain in the ass that takes time, effort and lots of chocolate covered pretzels, It releases me from my self involvement. That is what the best things in life do, they release you from yourself to a bigger picture. Love is nothing but involving yourself in something other than yourself. 

I hope you make an effort to release yourself from the misconception of time. I hope you listen to that little nagging child inside of you saying, "pay attention to me". I told that kid to shut her mouth for a couple of weeks, but I felt guilty and ashamed. One sure thing is that guilty and ashamed are not words to be ignored, but faced. Ultimately I am just happy I wrote this, yes I had to be in class right now. Yes, I have a 15 page paper due. But writing this is taking care of my child, and I love my child.


  1. Geez..Give you your self a brake and a big HUG. You are a brilliant writer. Sometimes when you sit and over think things nothing comes. I only write when something tugs at me to write. I used to not think of myself as a write until someone sent me a long letter and said get over it, your a writer. I love going back through the earlier post of people because you can see the growth of people. Let your inner child have some fun..take her out to play and when she wants to write, write. Other wise enjoy your family and friends. This blog will always be here if you want but may not.
    Lots of Love, Deanne

  2. Maybe you cannot see it right now, but in a few years when all the pieces start falling into place you'll see what the point of writing really was!

  3. take a look at this podcast,,
    Its really good and shows how time is not this definitive thing but instead is just relative (time is what you decide it is) but what it really shows me is that all we have is what we experience in the time we are given and if you dont enjoy each moment, each sip of tea, you are wasting a very precious gift.

  4. Raimi.. a friend of mine, Megan Smith, posted your link on her FB page for us to check out saying that she was so proud of her friend and I'm SO happy that I did come see your page. I have to say.. your writing is wonderful. Your posts contain elements of a young child enchanted by the world around her and yet somehow they're also sprinkled with wise & mature observations about some of the harder realities of life. It isn't often that I find someone who seems to view the world from these very opposite sides of the spectrum as I feel I sometimes do. It has been a pleasure reading your posts, I look forward to keeping up with your writing. :)

  5. Thanks Deanne,Martin,Tina and my shy anonymous friend. I appreciate your comments beyond belief.

    Thank you for your advice. Definitely taken in.

    Anonymous- time is completely relative and if you have some time google Einstein's thoughts on time which relate completely to that idea.

    Tina- thanks so much for reading my post! completely appreciate it. I try my best to tell my truth in each post and share a different perspective towards everyday situations.

    If you have not done so please subscribe. And like it on fb! :)

    May you all be in constant joy!

  6. Like the blog! Thanks for adding me, and I have added you in return. :)

  7. Love your blog. Being positive is should be every ones way of Life. I Know alot of people that think "Everyday is a Tragic day"


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