Rainer Maria Rilke once told to a young poet to have patience with all that is unsolved in his heart, and to try to cherish the questions themselves, like closed rooms and books written in a very strange tongue. "Do not search now for the answers which cannot be given to you because you could not live them. It is a matter of living everything. Live the questions now." Rilke went on to explain to this poet that maybe gradually and without even noticing it he would live right into the answers.
Most of my days are spent questioning, because of my young age I question the future with perhaps more vigor than the past or present. I have a hunch I am not the only one. I lose myself in hypothetical and imaginary events. I lose myself in all the possible outcomes of a situation. I try to visualize the answers, the many I am lacking. It takes pure mental power to realize I am here now. To realize that those answers, like Rilke said, could not be lived at this moment. To immerse myself in the beauty not knowing offers, the possibilities, the experience.
I have felt inadequate and defective as a human being for not knowing. I once had an idea that others knew a special trick I didn't. I've felt as if everyone else knew their role in this world except me. I still don't fully know my role in this world, but I thank good literature and real people for showing me the light. I thank the books and people who dare to be authentic and admit they know absolutely nothing about most things, but love the journey with and without answers. I used to have this perception that everything I was going through was something to have gotten over, another thing in the way of that great day when my real life would begin. The truth is my real life is here now. This is my life, this is your life. Right here right now, not next Tuesday, or in an hour. These questions these problems they are your life and its up to you to view them as a person with eyes wide open loving every horrible, beautiful, sad, lovely, angry, annoying minute of it. By loving I only mean respecting them as part of your life, and acknowledging they make up the whole that is the story of you.
I promise you that if you ask the right questions you will eventually live right into the right answers. And living the answers my friend is a lot more fun than just hearing them or reading them, or even having them answered by Oprah. Trust life, that is all.